Don't Let the Perfect (bike ride) Be the Enemy of the Good

There was an era of my life when the vast majority of my time and attention was focused on adventure. Mostly mountain biking, but any sort of adventure and travel would do. I worked, yeah, but I was single and childless and could really devote at least two hours every day (more on days off) to outdoor pursuits. Even during the busiest of days I bike commuted all over town and could at least squeeze in a 45 minute trail run plus the time it takes to get to the trailhead and back again.  

Enter motherhood. Screaming non-sleeping newborn, a lengthy battle with postpartum depression, nursing, poopy diapers...oh man. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and the slack had definitely snapped right out of my schedule.

As my kiddo got older, and I finally got my PPD treated, I started to make an effort to carve out time for adventure again. Finding weekends to get away, or days when I could steal half of an afternoon for a bike ride. A little while later I started this blog to have an outlet for my passion for writing and to hopefully show other new mamas what is possible even in motherhood.

But mostly I’ve still done these things in a bit of a “Go Big, or Go Home” mindset. The bike ride must be of a certain length, the hike must hit a particular destination, the blog post must be detailed, in depth and require multiple days to write, edit and publish. I’m a bit of a perfectionist….What can I say?

But I’m realizing lately that while I plan these bigger adventures, my day to day reality can often get so caught up in the running of life that there is little time left for playing outside, and even if there is a bit of time I quickly get stuck in a “that wouldn’t be big enough to count” headspace. Really??? Big enough to count? So the 20 mile bike ride I don’t take is better than the 3 mile one I do? That’s silly. And while those regular bigger adventures feed the soul, when I look back at my life it will not be the punctuation marks of quarterly trips that make up the composition of my life. It will be the letters and words of the minutes and hours I spend every day that fill the page.

This is why i signed up for the 365 Challenge recently. The idea is simple. 365 human powered miles in one year. (Yes, I know the year is more than half over, I’m still gonna try anyway.) But you get to set whatever rules and parameters around your miles you want. For me, I’m counting miles I cover on workdays, or non-work days when I’m on kiddo duty.These are the times I struggle to get the mini adventures in.

Let’s not let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Let’s take the .5 mile hike with the toddler instead of shrugging our shoulders and deciding it isn’t worth the trouble. And…(yes, this one is for me) let’s write the damn blog post that’s at the top of my head instead of getting hung up about the 12 bigger posts that I still “need” to finish first but don’t have time for right now.

Who’s with me?!         

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Are You Badass Enough To Hang With Me?

Her matter-of-fact, straightforward words smacked me in the face like hitting the ground cheek first crashing my bike.

“I’ve missed out on too many opportunities to ride and have fun with friends because I was afraid I couldn’t keep up. I was worried I would hold everyone else back...you know?”

I could. Not. Believe. My. Ears. It’s not that I’ve never felt this way or that the concept was unfamiliar. Quite the contrary. This has been me nearly every group mountain bike ride I’ve EVER been on. Every time I’m invited to ride with someone I know is faster and/or more technically skilled than me. For sure everytime I’ve been invited to ride with a new person who’s rhythm I don’t know. In any given group, in any given activity, my inner critic shouts at me that I’m not good enough. I’ll never keep up. Everyone will think I’m lame. I will hold everyone back. The anxiety takes hold like you cannot believe.

No, it wasn’t the concept that floored me. It was the source of the comment. My friend who said this just happens to be the former professional mountain bike racer friend. You know, like US national champion pro racer, turned professional cycling coach. Fastest little lady on the mountain? Yeah. Her. SHE was the source of this comment. It rocked my world and shifted my entire perspective.

Wait? Do we ALL have those anxieties? Do we ALL worry that we will not be good enough, strong enough, fast enough, badass enough? Does it actually have NOTHING to do with our skill and fitness level and everything to do with some kind of inner itty-bitty-shitty committee? Really...it seems so.

Where does this come from? This notion that we must do a mental measuring of ourselves against everyone else, place ourselves into some badassery pecking order, and then apologize profusely to everyone we perceive as “above us”? Why do we think we can only hang with the friends who skill and fitness levels are exactly the same as ours? Why do we feel ashamed of our efforts?

Is this a female thing? Do men have this issue too? Maybe they do internally, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard a man giving a constantly rambling apology for how he is showing up to ride, climb, or paddle on any given day. Maybe a quick, “Dude. I’m so hung over. I’m gonna be riding like a little fat kid today” by way of letting his companions know where he is at.  But not the nervous, apologetic, repeated self flagellation to make sure everyone is clear that he isn’t worthy to be here. But women? I hear it ALL. THE. TIME. I see it in her eyes, I hear the tremble in her voice as she dodges my invitation to join me for a ride. As she explains that she doesn’t think she can. That this might be way over her head. That she just isn’t as “badass” as me so she doesn’t want to hold me back. Do we feel this way because we are stepping into a formerly male dominated activity? Because we have internalized the messages that women are weaker, slower, or less capable than men? Have we had experiences of being put down by someone about our abilities and now feel like we must provide context for our existence every time? I’m not entirely sure where all parts of this attitude comes from. But dang it needs to stop.  

This day. This ride. It was a shit show in so many ways. Bike issues. Shoe issues. But that doesn't matter. It was an awesome day because it was a day on the trail with my bestie. How far, how fast, how epic...unimportant. Image Credit to Kelsey Colby

Mama, let’s clear some things up. If I have invited you to come play with me, that invitation is without condition. I didn’t invite you with a “but only if you can keep up with me at every moment” clause. You don’t need to feel badly about yourself or excuse your existence, your value, your worth. If I have invited you to play with me it is because I want your company in the beautiful outdoors. Because I want to share an experience with you. If you fall behind, I will wait for you at the next intersection and cheer for you when you come into sight. I will help you learn the skill you are lacking, or more likely, we can both laugh at our shared difficulty with that particular skill.

Listen, I am no olympic athlete. Heaven knows the chronic illness of the last 3 years has left me unequivocally in the worst physical shape of my life. If I thought I couldn’t keep up before, I really can’t now. But you know what? It’s ok. I still get to hit the trails, the slopes, the crag and I get to do it without hand wringing and self deprecation. And so do you. Yes, inform your adventure buddies of where you are at today. It’s important to know if one party was planning an 8 mile trail run and the other was thinking 2. But once we are all clear on what we are doing today, can we just go have fun together?

Yes mama. You ARE badass enough to hang with me. If you are getting out there and doing it...it counts. There is no pace or special trick required to be in this club. The outdoors welcomes everyone. Whether you can hike 2 miles or run 20 is irrelevant here. You are out there. You are showing up. You are lapping everyone who is on the couch. And you are a stone cold badass.

And if you have friends who do try to make you feel bad about where you are in this journey? We need to get you some new friends. Ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat.           

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This is Not A New Year's Resolutions Post

There is something about the idea of resolutions that bugs me. Maybe it’s just semantics, but the concept of the New Year's Resolution brings to mind visions of self deprecation and self loathing. The idea that you are somehow broken and when the clock strikes midnight on January 1st you will, powered by some expensive protein powder/fitness gadget of course, finally force yourself into a more socially acceptable mold. You will finally get smaller, be “nicer”, be more of a doormat for someone else's expectations.

Here’s the thing. You are not broken. You are amazing exactly as you are. You don’t need to change a thing.

However, I still find myself wistful in the week between Christmas and New Years. Thinking back on the year that is closing, and envisioning the year ahead of me that I hope to have. I have gone through an evolution in this process for myself. I’ve moved away from resolving and towards the idea of intentions. Focus words. Touchstones to return to when things get hectic. Words to remind myself of my priorities in the coming year. It’s less about changing who I am, and more about digging deeper into who I am to be more fully and completely myself.

At the start of 2016, as I was just beginning to get a handle on my mental and physical health after two years of undiagnosed postpartum depression and anxiety, I had two intention words. Health, for obvious reasons, and adventure. A combination of the pressures and constraints of new motherhood with the mental and physical annihilation of the health struggles I had been through had left me completely disconnected from the person I had known for 36 years.

So, along with keeping up my doctors appointments and following the protocols I had been prescribed, I started looking for ways I could begin to feel more like myself every day. Little ways I could reclaim me. Adventure was the way to do that. My husband and I both needed time to reclaim ourselves, since the previous years had been pretty rough on us both. We settled on one night a week for each of us to have the night off of parenting duties. A night to go do whatever would make us happy. Ride bikes, ride motorcycles, hike alone, whatever we wanted. We also committed to finding a weekend each month for each of us to go on a mini adventure of our own choosing. I’ve knocked off a few sections of the Arizona Trail, and visited Denver a number of times. My hubby has taken several long distance motorcycle trips. I tried rock climbing again for the first time since high school, started teaching ski school so that I’d have the opportunity to ski more myself and to take my son more easily. I started this blog both to keep myself accountable and to rekindle a life long passion for writing (this was rather unexpected). I’ve connected with other moms on a similar journey.

For the most part...It’s been working. I still have some health issues to resolve, but things are much better there. Most importantly, I feel a lot more like myself. I have been prioritizing self care through solo adventure and feel fantastic about it.

As 2017 is upon us, I hope to keep all of those wonderful personal adventure opportunities I carved out for myself. I don’t want that to slip away. I’m happy to report that simply taking time for ourselves this year has helped my hubs and I heal a lot of the hurt and frustrations of the previous years. We are BOTH happier and healthier because of it. Who knew? That whole “put the oxygen mask on yourself first” thing really DOES work!

This year the two words I’m adding to my intentions are community and connection. Now that we are on solid footing, my spouse and I want to be more intentional about returning to adventure together. More evenings after work to scramble up a pile of boulders and drink a bottle of wine at sunset. More weekends away together to remember why we are each other’s favorite adventure partner.

I realize that my spouse isn’t the only one I need to reconnect with. Under the best of circumstances, it becomes harder to maintain friendships in the transition to parenthood. You are so busy keeping your head above water that socializing and connecting with other people is honestly too exhausting and complicated. Add in crippling postpartum complications and well...I find myself realizing that I’m more isolated and disconnected than I wish I was.

I look forward to connecting more often with the local women from The Adventure Mamas Initiative group, as well as forging closer bonds with the founders and other board members of this organization. I intend to plan trips to visit dear friends that live in some far flung corners of the world to catch up after too much time apart.

In the spirit of building a larger and closer community of amazing women around myself I’m excited to announce a writing project I will be publishing throughout 2017. But maybe I should back up and tell you the story.

A few months ago, I made a trip to Denver partly to see my BFF and partly to attend a SheVentures event in Boulder. It was billed as a “Ted Talk” style line up of inspirational speakers focused on women in the outdoors. Just my kind of thing. Inspiring it was. I found myself nodding my head at shouting “eff yeah!” in my mind (and I think it may have slipped out of my mouth once or twice too).

Afterwards, I was lucky enough to be able to talk with some of these incredible women, all of whom had founded some pretty badass businesses or non-profits to meet a need they saw in the outdoor community. When I asked Jen Gurecki, founder of Coalition Snow what I could do to help promote her business she responded “Content is king. Let’s do an interview. The more content out there about our story the better.” I was thrilled to be invited to feature her! I also felt a little sheepish. My blog isn’t that big. I really won’t be able to get her story out to that many people. But that’s when it hit me. She isn’t the only woman who has a story to tell. There are many women founded companies with stories that go far beyond just making skis or coats. What if I set out to tell as many stories of these female founded companies as I could? What if I could pool the collective community of all of us to share everyone’s ideas and missions? If everyone I interviewed and wrote about was willing to share the project, we could collectively make a much bigger impact. Hence the “Women. Work, Wits” project idea was born.

I have had the incredible pleasure of interviewing 3 amazing ladies so far and have lots more on the list I hope to complete. With this project I hope, not just to introduce you to fabulous products made by companies with heart and solid ethics, but to tell compelling stories. To help you fall in love with the guts, grit, heart and hustle that makes these women, and their companies so incredible.

I want to be clear that none of these companies are paying me for these interviews. This is not glorified advertising. I’m not an affiliate of any of these companies nor do I expect to receive compensation in any way. I’m doing this because community is everything. Because stories are powerful. Because empowered women, empower women. Because I believe that a rising tide lifts all boats.

The plan is to publish two interviews a month, mixed in with my usual posts on adventuring how to’s and philosophical ramblings. If you want to make sure you catch all of the awesome that is coming your way on the blog this year, make sure you subscribe via RSS or email below. I wouldn’t want you to miss any of the good stuff!

And hey...thank YOU for being part of my community too. If there is anything I can do to support you better you can always leave a comment on any blog post, or shoot me an email sabrina@mamawildandfree.com.

If you want to be sure to catch all the interviews in this series, subscribe below. Or, bookmark this post. I will link each interview as I publish it here.

More Than A Hashtag: Putting An End To Shrink It And Pink It. An Interview With Jen Gurecki of Coalition Snow.  

Empowering Females Worldwide: An Interview with Gina Bégin of Outdoor Women's Alliance

Taking Flight: An Interview with Darcy Conover of Corbeaux Clothing

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Best Tips For More Adventure as A Mama

You’ve heard from me on how I find more time and money to adventure and kick the mom guilt to the curb. (If you missed it, those pieces are Here, Here, Here, and Here.) Now enjoy these “best tips” from some of my other favorite adventure loving mama bloggers. Take it away ladies!

“I'm a mom of 4 and getting "me" time is something I always make room for on a monthly basis. Whether it be a solo hike or dinner with a friend, having time to reset and catch up is a must when balancing out the #momlife. In order to make time for it, I use a shared calendar with my husband to keep each other informed of dates. This makes life easy because: auto-reminders!

My only advice around "mom guilt" is don't have it. I gave up overcompensating when things don't go as planned, years ago. As moms we have SO much to juggle and guilt should not be one of them. Instead, I try expressing how grateful I am to even be able to see them considering our packed schedules.

Meeting up for hikes or outdoor time is a great way to emphasize quality time without spending a ton of money. We like bringing snacks to share and 9 times out of 10 my kids will chomp on someone else's snacks in lieu of their own and vice versa.”

Stephanie Harper of Raising Kids Wild

“It's been hard to set aside time to adventure.

To take time I set adventure goals and prioritize those goals so that I get time for myself whether it is getting family to watch the kids or a babysitter.

Money is also a challenge. I have had to adjust what I like to do and have started trail running, hiking and cross country skiing more because they are less expensive.  I try to save money, even if it's only $10, each week so that I can go on bigger adventures like snowboarding or overnight trips.

Mom guilt is always a struggle but I am getting better. I struggle more with missing the littles but whenever I get the time away I feel so much better. A lot of positive self talk helps that it is good for all of us when I take time for myself away from the family. This helps me to prioritize self adventure time and I always feel better after.”

Annika Mang of Born To Be Adventurous

“My two cents on getting outside and adventuring as a mom:

- choose it over laundry and the floors (that stuff can always wait)

- make it a priority by telling other people you are doing it and that way it's harder to bail on your plans due to any of the issues you mentioned (time, money, kids, guilt)

- create purpose behind it (ex a blog you are writing, a pic you want to capture, a story you want to tell). This helps drive the motivation and push through the things that may trick you to stay home.....I feel mixed on this one though because really you should be able to go just 'to go' but desperate times... ”

Chantelle Quesnelle of Tablespoon Of Wild

"Time - One way I make time for getting outdoors is living near the outdoors. I live in the mountains near Sundance Mountain Resort in Utah and can “get outdoors” just by walking out the door. Although that’s not an option for many, working the outdoors into everyday life can be that easy. Eat dinner outside. Go for a walk around your office. Notice the birds outside your window. Not every outdoor adventure needs to be an epic three day getaway. Although those are awesome, they’re also a lot of work. Sometimes just a little sunshine is enough.

Money - I loved MamaWildandFree’s tips on overcoming the money obstacle. In many cases getting outdoors is a free and easy activity. National Parks, Forests, State Land, Local Parks, so many areas have been set aside for public use. My family purchases an $80 annual federal lands pass (https://www.nps.gov/planyourvisit/passes.htm) each year and make a goal to get our money’s worth. In 2016 we visited 23 National Parks and Monuments on our National Park to Park Highway tour so we definitely got our money’s worth.

Mom Guilt - That’s easy. I deal with my mom guilt by just bringing the kids along with me. Yes it sets a snail’s pace for my adventures and involves a lot of snacks and potty breaks along the way, but it allows me to share what I love with the ones I love the most."

Susan Strayer from MountainMomandTots.com   

Woo! Aren’t these mamas just the best! Be sure to check out their blogs for more amazing inspiration!

I hope this series has inspired you to get creative in removing the obstacles to outdoor adventure and get outside more. Will you do me a favor? Will you leave me a comment below and tell me ONE tip you will try this year?

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Mom Guilt Is A Feminist Issue

In the heat of this contentious 2016 election cycle, there was one sound bite that stuck with me more than some of the others. (Though to be fair, there was plenty in all that madness to remember.) It was the media crucifixion of Chelsea Clinton for not being present for her child’s first day of preschool drop off.

Apparently, according to some, a mother needing to work out of town and leaving her children in the capable hands of their father while she does so amounts to abandonment, neglect and a cold hearted lack of maternal instinct. It pegs her as a bad mother, or really, hardly a mother at all. What kind of mother puts work (or anything else) ahead of her precious children even for a single day!? How could she miss even a single life milestone like that!? That poor child! Can you imagine the emotional scarring? The therapy she will need one day to work through the damage that will be caused from having such an absentee mother?!

Yeah...reading nonsense like that gave me the same disgusted, exhausted and annoyed feeling it does for working moms everywhere. For every feminist, mother or not, who doesn’t have to think for more than a second to see that no one would EVER make statements like that about a man, these assertions are ludicrous and disgusting. For generations men have worked away from the home, often to the point of spending so little time with their children that they hardly know one another. Cat’s in the Cradle anyone? Yet in this modern era of a more equitable division of income earning, mothers are criticised for allowing their spouses to take a pull at the child care from time to time. We’ll just never mind the sentiments about daycare. (But seriously though, if one more sanctimommy mutters anything about preschool “raising” my kid for me, fur is gonna fly.)

But as I worked through my outrage and disgust at the double standard that Ms. Clinton is being held to, it hit me. I wonder how SHE feels about missing that drop off? Does it give her pangs of regret and sadness? Because I would, despite my firm convictions that the child is fine and Dad is a capable parent too, feel a little bummed about missing a first preschool drop off. And I had to ask myself, “why?” Why would I feel guilty to leave my child with his DAD for the first day of preschool while I was doing a job that I love, have worked hard for, puts food on our table, and sets a positive example to my son about the role of women in the home and workplace?

Is it really innate? Is the guilt and sadness because I went through the lengthy hormonal roller coaster and physical output of making him? Maybe. Probably at least a little. But really, I think it is deeply entrenched programming about what is expected of me as a mother. That mothers should be there to see and experience every last moment of their children’s lives. That we should nurture our children constantly. That good mothers miss nothing. In many ways it doesn’t matter how much I logically think it’s horse shit. The programming is in there and it is crazy hard to shake.

And if we have a hard time shaking the mom guilt in order to work, in order to help provide life necessities and a solid future for the very children we feel guilty for leaving, how much harder is it to leave for a purely self serving purpose. To plan and actually go on an adventure to recharge our batteries. It’s incredibly hard. When I’ve been working all day it can be tempting to skip that bike ride after work because dang it I miss my kid. I worry that I’m being selfish to take another chunk of time away from him just because I want to. Going for three or four days? Whew! He might just graduate college when I’m not looking!

But I go. I go on that ride after work. I take that weekend away. I take that time to be with myself, with my friends. To remember who I am, what makes me tick. To resonate with the universe. Because when I do that, I come back ready to reconnect with my son on a deeper level. To be fully present with him and focused on him. I don’t believe that children need some vast expanse of time in which they receive our half attention. I’m not sure it is building up HIS reserves to wander on my periphery as I distractedly try to get him to go do something else so I can think straight. When I have been buried in piles of life stuff and childcare too long, that’s exactly what happens. When I have properly cared for myself, I am refreshed and ready to give him my full attention. If kids benefit from their parents being present, I want to have the stamina to actually BE present. Mind, body, spirit.   

Let’s also not forget that when I’m out there taking care of myself, it isn’t like my son is stranded with the wolves. Me getting out of the way gives my husband the space to connect with our son too. To be fully at the wheel of parenting his child. To do their father son things without my interference. To decide to eat broccoli for dinner, or skip straight to the ice cream. By walking away placing full confidence in my child’s dad to care for him, I empower them both. It sends my husband the message that I trust him completely to Dad. That I know he is capable as a parent and doesn’t need my list of dos and don’ts while I’m gone. Dad is not a babysitter. He’s a parent. It sends my son the message that people other than me are capable of meeting his needs and that the entire world is a safe place, not just mom. When I return, I come home to two happy healthy men, who have grown closer and more understanding of one another. Then it’s my turn. I take on the parent cape to ensure my spouse gets time for himself too while our son and I focus on each other.

If you are a single parent with no family near, you too can step away sometimes. That’s what community is for. When I think about the villages of a traditional people, everyone pitched in to share the load of child rearing, and everyone got a break sometimes. We don’t have a village anymore, so we need to make one. FInd your tribe. Find mamas you love and trust who you can trade babysitting time with. Find an amazing sitter who your kids love and you trust like a sister. Then go without guilt. It will be good for you and your children.

No one criticizes a man for working, for taking a weeks long hunting trip, for doing whatever he needs to do to feel whole and happy. We don’t need to accept that criticism either. Especially from ourselves.

The next time you feel that twang of guilt for taking care of yourself, let’s examine where that comes from. Ask yourself if a man would feel guilty for the same thing. As we work to dismantle the patriarchy that holds women to a different standard than men, we must identify the programming in ourselves first. Because mom guilt is a feminist issue.     

(This post is part 4, or a 5 part series on removing the obstacles moms face to getting out for more adventure. See part 1, 2, 3, and 5)      

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Fun Vs. The 401K

“Pay yourself first!” “Max out your 401k, Roth IRA, and every other saving platform available before you even think about doing anything else!” “When you get a raise, don’t spend it! Save it!” “If you don’t save every possible penny you will never be able to retire and will have to work forever!”

These refrains sound familiar to anyone who has read the prevailing wisdom around finances in the modern world. And it’s not really wrong. Saving is great. Financial responsibility is important. Planning for the future is going to make a lot of things much easier down the road.

But what about your life right now? Today. What about the span of time between ages 18-67. Is that really meant to be 50 years of nose to the grindstone, scrimping, saving, sacrificing, and hiding in your home all for the promise of some far off glorious day when you retire and finally get to start living? I sure as hell hope not.

I’ve seen it again and again. People who denied themselves any adventure, travel, or outside the norm life experiences because they believed that they had to put everything on hold until they had a certain sized nest egg. Until the government deemed them qualified to retire from working, so they could really start living. And you know what happens shortly after they finally reach the promised land of medicare and drawing from their retirement income right? Heart attack. Cancer diagnosis. Or such general ill health that they are too weak, tired and broken to enjoy this long awaited “permission” to finally enjoy this thing called life. It’s the most heartbreaking cautionary tale I have ever seen. And it happens all the time.

I have experienced it even in my own little microcosm. My last 3 years or so I’ve had some health struggles. Illnesses and injuries that have meant I can’t do some of the things I used to do, and other activities have to be done slower and more cautiously than before. It really puts a bright, shining perspective on the health and vibrancy that I once took for granted. It helps me feel immensely grateful for the experiences I have already had and makes me wish I had done a few other things that had been on the back burner. But more than anything it makes me devoted to checking things off the bucket list now. No waiting. No putting it off to some far off “someday” that may never come.

I want to live now. And tomorrow. And next week. I have no way to know when this life will end or what limitations will come tomorrow. I know I have today.

I was asked recently what I would do if I wasn’t afraid. I pondered this and initially thought that fear doesn’t really play a big part in my decision making anymore. I really don’t think fear holds me back from anything. But then I realized that fear does play a part. My fear is arriving at the end of my life thinking I had missed something important. I perish the thought of missing out on something wonderful because I was being too cautious. Too reserved. I want to live out loud in full vibrant color holding nothing back until I finally collapse into a heap exhilarated and satisfied. If that means not maxing out my IRA this year so I can pay for the experiences that are important to me, I'm ok with that. 

I’m not suggesting you do something blatantly irresponsible. Yes, make sure you are paying your bills and planning for the future. But don’t be so focused on tomorrow that you forget about today. Maybe this year, put that raise into your travel fund. Make a plan for some things you can do today, and in the coming year, that will start you living the life you really want to live. I truly believe that money is a renewable resource. There is plenty to go around, and plenty more where that came from. You can always make more money. You cannot make more time. 

When asked what puzzled him most about humanity the Dalai Lama said, “Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”    

Or put another way, I leave you with these wise words from Alan Watts:

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4 Books to Read When You Are Between Adventures

Whether you are a new mom busy nursing for a few months, in the crazy season at work, saving up for your next adventure, or are just waiting at the airport to board a plane to the next place on your itinerary, chances are at some point you will be between adventures. Maybe you’ll be looking for a mental getaway, or at least a touch of inspiration. Here are four fantastic travel and adventure books to see you through until the next time you can get away yourself!

1. The Happiness of Pursuit By: Chris Guillebeau In this 1 part theory, 1 part practical tips, 1 part inspiration book, Chris Guillebeau explores the idea that happiness comes not from pursuing it, but from pursuing ‘the quest”. It is the act of creating and achieving big, hairy, audacious goals that gives us joy and purpose in life. He chronicles a few stories from his own personal quest to visit every country on earth (yes, all of them) and gives glimpses into the quests of others like walking across the US, completing the MIT computer science curriculum in one year while working a fulltime job, writing a blog post every day for an entire year, or cooking a traditional meal from a different country around the world every week until she had eaten food from everywhere. The author claims that while adventure looks different for everyone, adventure IS for everyone. I tend to agree. His criteria for what makes a quest are 1. A quest has a specific end point. 2. A quest presents a clear challenge. 3. A quest requires sacrifice of some kind. 4. A quest is often driven by a calling or a sense of mission. 5. A quest requires a series of small steps and incremental progress towards a goal. This book inspired me to take a number of my own disconnected desires and coalesce them into a quest list of my own. I’ll publish that in the coming weeks so you can see how I’m progressing.

2. Feeding the Rat: Profile of a Climber By: A Alvarez This is an adventure literature classic that is just as relevant, entertaining and informative as it was 30 years ago. The author profiles prominent British mountaineer Mo Anthoine in midlife. So much more than just an accounting of the life and times of one man, Feeding the Rat puts words to the indescribable feelings all outdoor adventure lovers have about their exploration, about the answer to the age old question “why?’. Even for those who have no inclination to climb mountains at all, the humour and excitement of this book makes it worth the read. Afterall, it’s hardly about the summit anyway, it about the experiences you have along the way.

3. Run the World By: Becky Wade Like many new college graduates, Becky Wade left a successful lifetime of academia to find herself at a loss for what she truly wanted to do with her life. Unlike most of us though, she had spent her University days not only earning top marks in her studies, but performing as a top runner for her school. Would she relegate running to a pastime and go into a steady career? Or should she pursue an athletic career first? Did she have the stuff? She was fit and fast no doubt, but competing in the professional and global arena is a whole other ball game. As luck would have it, she received funding from the Thomas J. Watson fellowship to travel the world for one year in order to make a study of any area of interest she chose. Having marveled at the variety of different training and coaching styles of successful runners the world over, she sets out on a globe trotting adventure to run with athletes in nine different countries and four continents. Along the way she gains new friends, new approaches to training and recovery, and a totally new level of confidence. While I myself will never be a world class runner, I loved this unique approach to travel and training and am incredibly inspired to reach out to more local people in my future travels, and maybe to dust off my running shoes a bit more often. 

4. Wild Mama: One Woman's Quest to Live Her Best Life, Escape Traditional Parenthood, and Travel the World By: Carrie Visintainer I have saved the absolute best for last. This book is the adventure loving mama’s manifesto. I consumed it in a single weekend. I was nodding my head and connecting so much with everything in this, I swear I could have written 80% of the words myself. The fear of losing herself to parenthood, the awkward attempts to figure out career in a post kid life, the postpartum depression that went on WAY too long, and the realization that finding a way to make all of herself fit again was not optional. This is one of those books that has impacted me permanently, and came at exactly the right moment. It’s was the type of transcendent reading experience that left me simultaneously ready to tell every mama I know all about it, and yet left me almost speechless to explain all the reasons why this is a must read. My absolute favorite part is towards the end when she has a heart to heart with her son about why she is leaving on a trip without him. She explains that travel is something she loves. That it makes her whole, and happy. That when we love people, we are supportive of them doing the things that make them feel alive, even if it doesn’t include us. As he begins to connect this to the ways his parents support him in doing the things HE loves, he understands and is excited to hear about her trip when she returns. You can practically hear the walls of mom guilt crash and burn. Get this one. You won’t regret it. (Side note: No, I did not take the name of this blog from the title of this book. It was a coincidence.)

What are some of your favorite travel and adventure reads? Leave me a comment, I want to know what to read next!   

(This post contains affiliate links. This means that if you use the links on this post to purchase the item described, or any other item Amazon sells, a tiny percentage of your purchase will be sent to me at no extra cost to you. This helps keep the lights on here in my little corner of the internet and earns you my undying gratitude.) 

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4 Outdoor Mindfulness Activities for Kids (and the adults who love them)

This. Life. Is. Busy. It is full, and hectic and distracted and bounces around all over the place. When I allow myself to get sucked into the ever shifting tide of phone notifications, long lists of work tasks, an over abundance of social obligations and anything else the world wants to throw at me I am anxious, grouchy, and disconnected.

Our children are no different. THEY live in this world of crazy too. They pick up on our hectic vibe, and the expectations on them even as young as preschool are becoming more and more intense.

We can let ourselves and our children get swept away in this maddening stress driven culture, OR we can choose to cultivate slow. To breathe deep, get intentional, and train ourselves and our littles to be mindful about curating our focus and attention.

Mindfulness doesn’t just happen. It is a skill we must practice and polish. Meditation and yoga are wonderful tools. But there is nothing that calms and soothes me nearly so much as being in nature. Most children are the same way. If we add some activities that require focus and attention we get even more bang for our nature time buck.

• Color Matching: How many colors are there in nature? 3? 4? Look closer and you will see thousands of shades of green, brown, hot pink, bright orange, purple and blue. When we only whiz past everything outside, we don’t notice all this variety. Slow down and look more closely. Before playing this game, stop by your local home supply store and grab a handful of paint color cards. These come in single colors, or sometimes in a strip with different shades of the same color on each card. Both are useful in their own way. For younger children, just focus on having them find that particular color. A green plant to match the green card, some pink in a rock to match the pink card, orange lichen for the orange card. As they get older, up the challenge to have them match the exact shade of the color as closely as possible. Sure that pineneedle is green, but is it the exact shade of blueish green on the card? No? Keep looking! You will be amazed at the variety of colors you will find. Shades you didn’t think were possible to find in nature. Get wild with it! Don’t limit yourself to blue, green, and brown! Grab a royal purple, maroon, magenta. Its out there. Look big and small. Near and far. Not only does this cultivate mindfulness, but with younger children you are practicing their colors, for which you can give yourself a gold star on your mom chart. (Stars may be redeemed for glasses of pinot after a long day.)

• Rock Stacking: Is this just one of those things that humans have naturally wanted to do since the beginning of time? I think yes. Get yourself and your kiddos to a dry river bed, or other location with plenty of different sizes and shapes of rocks and them let them go wild trying to stack and balance them in different ways. The irregular shape of rocks makes this more challenging than stacking building blocks, and over time your child will develop an inexplicable inner sense of physics that allows them to do improbable things like balancing large rocks on top of smaller ones. (Side note: you are teaching physics! More gold mom stars! More wine!) Before you leave though, make sure to have your children dismantle the stacks. Leaving rocks stacked is a controversial practice that is considered destructive to the natural feel of a place and in opposition to Leave No Trace outdoor ethics. Leaving rock stacks in National Parks or Monuments is illegal. If your children are having a hard time embracing the ephemeral nature of rock art, let them take pictures before they pull it apart.

• Make a Sound Map: The basics of this activity is to sit somewhere and be absolutely still and silent, noticing the sounds around you and where the sound is coming from relative to your position. With the littlest children, just have them sit in your lap and listen together. After a minute or so of quiet, talk about the sounds you heard around you. With older children they can actually map out what they hear on paper. Have them make an X in the center of their paper. The X is them. Anytime they hear a sound, have them make a symbol on the paper in the place they hear it, to represent the sound. If the child is old enough to be working on map skills, have them find north and orient themselves to face that way. They can add a compass rose and key to their map too. As they get better at it and more skilled with age, continue to add levels of complexity to their maps. But remember to keep it light, fun, and relaxing. Pushing them to add complexity to the map before they are really ready adds stress and detracts from the relaxing aim of the game. That would cause an immediate loss of mom gold stars.

• Watch the Clouds: Yes. Just the good old fashioned “lay on your back and relax” version of cloud watching. Snuggle into the grass, take a deep breath, get quiet and watch. Notice the roiling build, the sideways wandering. Let your mind make bunnies, dinosaurs, and pirate ships.

"I'm gonna sit here just quietly and watch the creek. Ok mama?"

Each of these activities has a distinct mental focus. It is a common misconception that meditation and mindfulness practices need to involve a clearing or emptying of the mind. This is not true at all. I’m not sure even the most practiced and disciplined of monks can do that. Mindfulness practice is about cultivating slow, calming the wild bouncing in our heads, and being in charge of what our minds focus on.

Do you have a mindfulness practice that you enjoy? Do you share one with your children? I’d love to hear from you. Leave me comment and let me know!          

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Contentment is not Complacency

Gratitude is a crucial practice for lifelong happiness and health. We can have all of the comforts and luxuries that this world can offer and still be miserable. We all intellectually know this, most of us have worked on this. We've written in gratitude journals, practiced gratitude meditations, and posted inspirational gratitude memes on social media. 

But today I want you to lean into the discontent. To remember that it is ok to experience that deep scratching sensation your soul. To feel it fully and let it inform you. Let it drive you and give you wings.
 

I don’t know if it is a hopelessness that has taken hold of us all through the struggles of the Great Recession, a proliferation of self help mania, the instagram perfection we perceive of everyone else's lives, or something else entirely. But I see a disturbing trend towards a “cult of positivity” in our culture. This notion that you are never allowed to feel anything other than happy, grateful and joyous at every moment of every day is increasingly pervasive. And it really, really bothers me.

This attitude feels especially pointed in the “mom blogosphere”. Posts that go something like “Sure I used to have a fulfilling career as a PHD in (insert intellectually stimulating field here), and I climbed mountains, ran marathons, and was a member of the board of several children’s hospitals before having children. Sure I miss those things a little but really I’m SOOO HAPPY now drowning under a mountain of dirty diapers and piles of dishes because GRATITUDE!! #soblessed!” I can almost see the author, dead in the eyes, jumping up and down clapping her hands with a huge smile plastered on her face desperately trying to believe what she is saying, because it is really herself she needs to convince.

This pretty much sums up the feeling of pretending you are ok when you really are not. (side note: This was floating around social media as I was writing this post. I can't seem to track down the originator of the meme, but it is freaking perfect. If anyone knows who created this please tell me so I can credit them.)

The promotion of the “good vibes only at all times” mentality of motherhood is killing us. It is one of the misguided attitudes that leads us to ignore symptoms of postpartum depression, and trivialize the very intense reality of the hosts of challenges that moms face every day. It leads to burnout, resentment, and opportunities lost. “What do you MEAN you are not deliriously happy at every moment of every day! You have a wonderful family! You should never feel anything but wonderful ALWAYS!”

When I was in the depths of PPD, this was one of the scripts that played in my head all the time. “I have a lovely home, a supportive and unbelievably long suffering husband, running hot and cold water, a beautiful and healthy child...There must be something wrong with my character. Clearly I’m just not grateful enough. Maybe I need to gratitude harder. #firstworldproblems.” This mentality kept me stuck for way too long. Even if PPD or other mental illness isn’t the issue, you are not required to find complete and ultimate fulfillment exclusively through parenting and housekeeping. (On the flip side, you are also not required to love an adore a job that pulls you away from your kids more hours a day than you would like. Especially if it sucks on the whole.)

Discontent is at the root of all great things that have ever been done. It is that which whispers “you can do better, there is another way’. Every inventor, author, and thinker in the world has felt this and heeded the call. Yes, figure out how to have gratitude for that fact that dirty dishes means you had food to eat, and that your screaming toddler means your child is alive and well. That perspective is necessary and important. And, you have permission to also feel your discontent when it arrives. To ask yourself the small still question “What do I need to do, even in some small way, to begin to feel the way I want to feel?” You CAN develop your contentment without giving into complacency.

So the next time you feel that scratching sensation, settle in and listen to it. Feel it. And ask yourself “What can I do today, this week, or this month, to begin to shift this feeling. How is it I want to feel, and how can I get there within the parameters of my life as it is right now?” When you formulate an answer, I’d love to hear from you if you are willing to share. Leave a comment and let me know. What are you going to do to respond to your discontent?  

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Southern Colorado with a Toddler Part 2

Tag teaming is an essential part of co-parenting for my husband and I. We both have things we need to do to fill our souls that are impractical to bring the Little Bear along for.

Mountain biking is arguably how my husband and I met, and as you can imagine, it is one of those things we both need to to do from time to time to feel like a functional human (or at least a polite one).

On beta from a good friend, we planned to take turns for the next two days of our trip riding the Hermosa Creek Trail, with the non-riding adult picking the rider up at the bottom of the trail. For any friends or readers who are fellow mountain bikers, especially those from Flagstaff, you might have an ethic one way or another about shuttling trails. Shuttling is where a rider is dropped off at the top of a trail and rides (usually downhill) to the other end where the car is waiting for them, preferably with a cold beverage at the ready. In Flagstaff, we never shuttle. Ever. Even driving to the trailhead better have a good reason. From most of our town you can ride straight from your home to connect with a vast network of trails, most of which have decently thought out alignment minimizing erosion and unrideable grades. So there is little reason to use a vehicle to get you up the hill only to ride back down it. Just pedal! Use the quads yo mama gave you son!    

So many spots along this trail demand that you stop to appreciate the beauty, and tempt you to want to jump in. 

In my younger childless days, I first rode in Colorado bringing my “never shuttle” Flagstaff ethic along like so many rocks in my panniers. After a number of frustrating bike hikes and crossing too many potential rides off the list because they were impractical to self shuttle, I have learned better and become a lot less smug. Folks, Colorado is not Flagstaff. Nearly every trail I have ever ridden there is steep to the point of stupid, has long and brutal road sections between trails making the self shuttle impractical or impossible. Hermosa Creek was no exception. Self shuttling would have meant almost 50 miles of riding, only 18 of which would have been the trail in question and the majority of the remaining miles on shoulderless mountain highway. No. Thank. You. If you are still worried about shuttling because it is important to you to “earn” your downhill, don’t fret. Even “downhill” trails have climbing in Colorado. Hermosa creek spends most of the last 6 miles in a 1600 vertical foot climb.

Does this mud splashed face look like it cares about shuttling anymore? Nope. 

This letting go of perfectionism has been a huge and excruciating lesson for me in motherhood. There was a time, younger, fitter and faster that I would perhaps have insisted on a self shuttle. I would have spent an entire day from dawn til dusk killing myself to do the whole thing without a car shuttle, because it’s the “right” way to do it and to compromise would have bruised my ego. If I had been unwilling to just shuttle this trail I would missed 18 miles of some of the most sublime, inspiring single track in the Four Corners area. Want to keep your own passions, hobbies and adventures a priority in parenthood? Let go of perfection and get it done. Take the one hour ride you can get instead of the 6 hour ride that is rarely available. Host that imperfect dinner party with chinese take out, instead of waiting for enough time to have a spotless house and gourmet four course meal. Buy the ticket to travel to the place you CAN afford instead of waiting around for a windfall to go to the place that is financially out of reach. In the end, it will be the things we consistently do that make up the story of our lives. If we never get out there because we need the conditions to mimic some preconceived notion of perfection, years will pass and we will have failed to spend our time the way we wanted to. We will continue to mutter some mantra about a fictitious “someday” that isn’t coming.   

My steed, a top one of the many bridges along Hermosa Creek. Surface water is a huge treat for us dry country folks. 

What a spectacular payoff it is to just get out there and do it! The first half of Hermosa Creek trail follows a wide and welcoming path along, unsurprisingly, Hermosa Creek. Mixed conifers, flowing stream, and gorgeous water holes hiding fish that tease local anglers to come and get em. This first half, though trending downhill, isn’t particularly steep, and would make a very reasonable out and back ride or hike for those not wanting to do the whole length or who are just getting started and want a ride with minimal technical challenges. The trail changes to single track where it continues to follow the creek for another third of the ride, though it frequently winds a little further up the hillside than in the previous section. The high moisture level of the area in general, mixed with some heavy rains in the previous days made the ride fairly slick and felt a bit like riding on a muddy slip and slide. After one of a number of creek crossings, the last one with a wooden bridge, the trail begins the final climb in earnest. It winds its way up to a bench dotted with scrub oak, ponderosa pine, and cedar. A amusing concoction of species frequently found in Flagstaff, but rarely seen together at the same altitude. Having gotten a later start than I had hoped, I hit the steep climbs just as the afternoon rainstorms began. I attempted to pedal up what had become a creek in its own right. The water and mud made traction non-existent, making the attempt to move forward a real life replica of those dreams in which you are running as hard as you can and not getting anywhere. I eventually had to get off and push the bike up through the pouring rain, smiling all the way. Eventually the rain cleared, and I made the final descent to the trailhead to meet my ride. I was inspired, full of dopamine, and satisfied.

It got a little rainy out there! 

Each evening after our rides, Iorek was full of energy and ready to ride himself. Pre-dinner evening strolls for us and bike ride for the Little Bear became a lovely part of the day. It is satisfying to the soul to have the opportunity to not only pursue my own passions, but to share them with my son and watch him get so much joy out of it too.

The kid loves to ride! Does a mamas heart good.

Is waiting for perfect conditions keeping you from doing the things that would feed your soul and nourish your spirit? I would love to hear what you want to do, and how you think you can get out of your own way to do it. Leave me a comment and let me know.

Of an evening. 

One more installation in the series coming next week! 

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Southern Colorado with a Two Year Old Part 1

Visiting Colorado every summer has been a staple of our family since my husband and I were footloose, childfree, and courting. Our first visit together was in the summer of 2009 when we took 2 weeks (2 whole weeks!) to tour around the south western part of the state. That trip was amazing...and complicated. We brought ALL the toys. Mountain bikes, backpacks, canoe, fly rods, the works. Not to mention two dogs.  

Our sweet old girls. Both gone now. What fun we had that day. 

A pre-marriage, pre-kid, younger and significantly better rested pair of Vikings. 

These days, both work schedules and having a 2 year old means that we only have a week, and we need to be a little more targeted with our activities. But we still have a blast and always leave feeling relaxed and inspired by the incomparable beauty of The San Juan Mountains.

Because we frequently bust out of town on weekend jaunts, our usual getting packed up routine is done in bits and pieces during the evenings and early mornings of the week before, with one final push of stuff gathering, dish washing, and chicken feeding done at the crack of dawn before we leave. While this method works for getting us out frequently on weekend adventures, it can leave us a little frazzled and short tempered before we ever get rolling. This time we made an uncharacteristically sensible and relaxed decision to spend Saturday packing and cleaning rather than make ourselves crazy packing in advance. For two perfectionistic, overcommiters with serious workaholic tendencies, this approach was somewhat revolutionary.

Our first day was spent making time across the high desert of northeastern Arizona to cross through the four corners. This would otherwise have been a somewhat unremarkable day. A drive with a number of lovely views, that we have done a million times before. THIS year, however, we had a new joy to experience. In the week leading up to our trip, our previously reluctant toddler had declared that he wanted to wear big boy underwear! (Of course...because when ELSE would he decide to try that besides three days before a long car trip?...sigh) In any case, we decided we would go ahead and try this “no diaper” business on the drive. I am notorious for excellent hydration habits and a tiny bladder so we figured it would be no big deal. Little did we know that our kid would be the one little boy on planet earth who wants NOTHING to do with peeing outside. Nothing. And the long, hot, dry stretch across the minimally developed Navajo Nation offers few opportunities for toilets. Four hours and 157 attempted pee stops after leaving home we were having visions of him falling asleep and turning our truck into Lake Powell. Thankfully we had brought along some diapers. I would love to tell you it was at this moment that we just switched to diapers the rest of the trip...we were not that clever.

It is a glorious thing when your toddler begins to "read" to himself. Happy, self-entertained traveler! Score!

We made it to Durango in about 67 hours (thanks frequently potty stops!) the last hour and a half of which our little dude was “reading” his books to himself in the backseat. An activity so endearing it kinda of made our hearts hurt. We headed up into the forest above Purgatory (now called Durango Mountain Resort. But I will never call it that...NEVER. It is Purgatory. Period.) and found a sweet little camp with a stream running right through it. The afternoon was spent exploring the verdant green slopes around camp, munching on wild strawberries, learning that not ALL wild berries should be put in our mouths (YIKES!), and throwing pebbles in the stream.

"Look Mama! Strawbabies!" 

One of my goals for the trip had been a mountain bike ride on some of the trails around the city of Durango. I’ve heard much about the riding in the area and hadn’t ever experienced it. The second day, we drove back down into the town to drop me off at the Telegraph Trailhead, while the boys went out on a requisite excursion to Maria’s bookstore and Gardenswartz. For bibliophiles unfamiliar with Maria’s in downtown Durango, it goes on your “must visit” list. It is the kind of cozy, local bookstore that every town wants, but few seem to be able to support. Tall polished wooden bookshelves speckled with the colors of a thousand binding edges. Tables in the center of the space with employee picks, an inviting and colorful children’s section that carries both classic favorites and newer pieces of excellent children’s literature, and a staff that seems to know every book in the store and can point each unique customer to a selection that will delight them. My favorite features of Maria’s by far though, is their extensive section on travel/adventure/and local history. I always seem to find some awe inspiring read (or three). It was here that I found the book Wild Mama during our anniversary trip a few weeks earlier, which could easily be a personal manifesto. A must read for all adventure loving moms. (Full review coming soon)

This trip's adventure read. Thanks for the awesome book Maria's! Moment's later, it suffered an unspeakable fate (keep reading). 

While my boys explored the town and dropped a sum of money roughly equivalent to a semester of in state college tuition at the bookstore, I rode my steel pony up the telegraph trail. It wound it’s way through the flats and up the side of a mesa following, unsurprisingly from the name, an old telegraph pole alignment. The route up the hillside had the typical Colorado fall line approach to trail building. Steep, straight up hill with no contouring, and heavily eroded. The top of the climb had a welcoming spot to eat lunch in the shade overlooking the La Plata Mountains. I descended the seemingly even steeper and more eroded Anasazi Descent and swooped out the banked turns of the Meadows Loop. A delightful introduction to the trails of Durango, though perhaps not the first one I’ll ride next time.

Top of the Telegraph Trail over looking the La Plata Mountains with my Mustache Bike.

That afternoon, I took over the parenting duties while the hubs worked on some “gratuitous building” projects. As a carpenter, he spends his days fixing things that need fixing, or building things to someone else's specifications. Getting to just tinker for the fun of it is rare, and makes him really dang happy. Tag teaming personal projects, is key for keeping both parents fulfilled.  

Leaving this "bridge" as just a couple of rickety logs simply wouldn't do. 

Meanwhile, the Little Bear and I headed out for an afternoon hike from the back of camp. I would love to tell you it was all giggles and wonder in a moss covered fairy land. Sometimes hiking with him is, but that day he had bucked his nap altogether and was exercising his personal independence to a level previously uncharted. Poisonous mushrooms (and trying to put them in his mouth) were the focus of his activities. Being asked not to touch mushrooms in the woods resulted in maniacal laughter and doing exactly what he had been told not to do. Between fear of imminent death-by-toadstool and the fact that his aversion to outdoor bathroom visits had led to wet pants yet again drove us back to camp a bit early.

Is this the face of mischief or what? But darn he's cute is his red "fireman" boots! 

Back at camp, I rummaged through the truck trying to organize a few things before launching into dinner prep. My little one, still not out of steam for mischief, climbed into the front seat and peed all over my brand new book. I. Lost. It. Having invited him to go to the bathroom multiple times and being refused AND having JUST changed wet pants, this was just too much. Steam fumed out my ears, I raised my voice, and had to walk away for a while to cool down. It was the most infuriating combo of parenting failure and what felt like and intentional naughtiness from him. When I finally calmed down, I was able to get the clarity to realize this was honestly all my fault. I could have anticipated that he might want his potty while traveling and packed it. Learning to be in underwear AND learning to go outdoors is a lot for a little person all at once. AND I should have taken the hint from the day before and just let him stay in diapers for the trip. He was clearly uncomfortable with handling bathroom needs outdoors. This was my bad...not his. I apologized for losing my temper and decided that regressing to diapers for the week wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

Slow down, breathe deep. You don't to do everything TODAY. Decide what is most important right now and just do that. 

There was a lesson for life in this mundane and frustrating parenting moment. We can do anything and everything we want in this life, but we can’t do it all at once. He will, we assume, get the hang of no diapers, and I would bet with parents like us he will also get the hang of outdoor bathrooming. But trying to do it all at the same time? A recipe for failure and frustration. This is a lesson I seem to need to learn over and over again. I can have a life with a child, career, adventure, rich friendships, time for my spouse and extended family, volunteer work, a spotless home, plenty of sleep and self care, and homemade gourmet dinners. But is it reasonable to do each and every one of those things every single day in equal measure? No. Of course not. But for a type-a go getter like me, it feels like I should. I can get pretty hard on myself if my unreasonable check list of 35 things doesn’t get done every single day. Breathe. Pick three things that will get the majority of your attention today and do those. Let everything else go. You will get to the other things, but maybe not today.            

Eat, sleep, play. The three things on Oscar's list today. 

Part 2 coming soon!! Stay tuned! 

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Back to Me

Someday, I will untangle all the messy pieces of my thoughts about the struggle of my first two years of parenthood. I'll sort out all the emotions, the whys and hows of postpartum depression that was missed for WAY too long. I'll get it all out in some eloquent way and make sense of it all. Find the thread of the story that makes it meaningful, and not so heartbreaking. 

Summer vacation 2015, 1.75 years into motherhood. Still feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and struggling to enjoy even things that used to make me happy. It was some point during this trip I began to realize this wasn't normal. That something beyond "new mom overwhelm" was happening. 

But right now I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about the turning point forward. The glorious revival. Everything that comes after the moment when my therapist looked at me and said, "What can you do right now to help you feel more like yourself? To make you feel wild and free like you did before...even if it's just for a few minutes a day?" I want to talk about feeling good. I want to talk about returning to the mountains, Returning to the Wild. Returning to me. 

I want to talk about adventures I've had and adventures to come. I want to talk about making the most of "this one wild and wonderful life". I want to talk about being fully present in my life and how you can find yourself out there too. I want to talk about getting stoked, and spreading it far and wide. Want to get stoked with me? Good! Let's go! 

Summer Vacation 2016, 2.75 years into motherhood. My depression and adrenal fatigue has been getting treated for 8 months now. My experience of our trip this year was 180 degree different. It was joyful, fulfilling, and lovely.  

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