Best Tips For More Adventure as A Mama

You’ve heard from me on how I find more time and money to adventure and kick the mom guilt to the curb. (If you missed it, those pieces are Here, Here, Here, and Here.) Now enjoy these “best tips” from some of my other favorite adventure loving mama bloggers. Take it away ladies!

“I'm a mom of 4 and getting "me" time is something I always make room for on a monthly basis. Whether it be a solo hike or dinner with a friend, having time to reset and catch up is a must when balancing out the #momlife. In order to make time for it, I use a shared calendar with my husband to keep each other informed of dates. This makes life easy because: auto-reminders!

My only advice around "mom guilt" is don't have it. I gave up overcompensating when things don't go as planned, years ago. As moms we have SO much to juggle and guilt should not be one of them. Instead, I try expressing how grateful I am to even be able to see them considering our packed schedules.

Meeting up for hikes or outdoor time is a great way to emphasize quality time without spending a ton of money. We like bringing snacks to share and 9 times out of 10 my kids will chomp on someone else's snacks in lieu of their own and vice versa.”

Stephanie Harper of Raising Kids Wild

“It's been hard to set aside time to adventure.

To take time I set adventure goals and prioritize those goals so that I get time for myself whether it is getting family to watch the kids or a babysitter.

Money is also a challenge. I have had to adjust what I like to do and have started trail running, hiking and cross country skiing more because they are less expensive.  I try to save money, even if it's only $10, each week so that I can go on bigger adventures like snowboarding or overnight trips.

Mom guilt is always a struggle but I am getting better. I struggle more with missing the littles but whenever I get the time away I feel so much better. A lot of positive self talk helps that it is good for all of us when I take time for myself away from the family. This helps me to prioritize self adventure time and I always feel better after.”

Annika Mang of Born To Be Adventurous

“My two cents on getting outside and adventuring as a mom:

- choose it over laundry and the floors (that stuff can always wait)

- make it a priority by telling other people you are doing it and that way it's harder to bail on your plans due to any of the issues you mentioned (time, money, kids, guilt)

- create purpose behind it (ex a blog you are writing, a pic you want to capture, a story you want to tell). This helps drive the motivation and push through the things that may trick you to stay home.....I feel mixed on this one though because really you should be able to go just 'to go' but desperate times... ”

Chantelle Quesnelle of Tablespoon Of Wild

"Time - One way I make time for getting outdoors is living near the outdoors. I live in the mountains near Sundance Mountain Resort in Utah and can “get outdoors” just by walking out the door. Although that’s not an option for many, working the outdoors into everyday life can be that easy. Eat dinner outside. Go for a walk around your office. Notice the birds outside your window. Not every outdoor adventure needs to be an epic three day getaway. Although those are awesome, they’re also a lot of work. Sometimes just a little sunshine is enough.

Money - I loved MamaWildandFree’s tips on overcoming the money obstacle. In many cases getting outdoors is a free and easy activity. National Parks, Forests, State Land, Local Parks, so many areas have been set aside for public use. My family purchases an $80 annual federal lands pass (https://www.nps.gov/planyourvisit/passes.htm) each year and make a goal to get our money’s worth. In 2016 we visited 23 National Parks and Monuments on our National Park to Park Highway tour so we definitely got our money’s worth.

Mom Guilt - That’s easy. I deal with my mom guilt by just bringing the kids along with me. Yes it sets a snail’s pace for my adventures and involves a lot of snacks and potty breaks along the way, but it allows me to share what I love with the ones I love the most."

Susan Strayer from MountainMomandTots.com   

Woo! Aren’t these mamas just the best! Be sure to check out their blogs for more amazing inspiration!

I hope this series has inspired you to get creative in removing the obstacles to outdoor adventure and get outside more. Will you do me a favor? Will you leave me a comment below and tell me ONE tip you will try this year?

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Mom Guilt Is A Feminist Issue

In the heat of this contentious 2016 election cycle, there was one sound bite that stuck with me more than some of the others. (Though to be fair, there was plenty in all that madness to remember.) It was the media crucifixion of Chelsea Clinton for not being present for her child’s first day of preschool drop off.

Apparently, according to some, a mother needing to work out of town and leaving her children in the capable hands of their father while she does so amounts to abandonment, neglect and a cold hearted lack of maternal instinct. It pegs her as a bad mother, or really, hardly a mother at all. What kind of mother puts work (or anything else) ahead of her precious children even for a single day!? How could she miss even a single life milestone like that!? That poor child! Can you imagine the emotional scarring? The therapy she will need one day to work through the damage that will be caused from having such an absentee mother?!

Yeah...reading nonsense like that gave me the same disgusted, exhausted and annoyed feeling it does for working moms everywhere. For every feminist, mother or not, who doesn’t have to think for more than a second to see that no one would EVER make statements like that about a man, these assertions are ludicrous and disgusting. For generations men have worked away from the home, often to the point of spending so little time with their children that they hardly know one another. Cat’s in the Cradle anyone? Yet in this modern era of a more equitable division of income earning, mothers are criticised for allowing their spouses to take a pull at the child care from time to time. We’ll just never mind the sentiments about daycare. (But seriously though, if one more sanctimommy mutters anything about preschool “raising” my kid for me, fur is gonna fly.)

But as I worked through my outrage and disgust at the double standard that Ms. Clinton is being held to, it hit me. I wonder how SHE feels about missing that drop off? Does it give her pangs of regret and sadness? Because I would, despite my firm convictions that the child is fine and Dad is a capable parent too, feel a little bummed about missing a first preschool drop off. And I had to ask myself, “why?” Why would I feel guilty to leave my child with his DAD for the first day of preschool while I was doing a job that I love, have worked hard for, puts food on our table, and sets a positive example to my son about the role of women in the home and workplace?

Is it really innate? Is the guilt and sadness because I went through the lengthy hormonal roller coaster and physical output of making him? Maybe. Probably at least a little. But really, I think it is deeply entrenched programming about what is expected of me as a mother. That mothers should be there to see and experience every last moment of their children’s lives. That we should nurture our children constantly. That good mothers miss nothing. In many ways it doesn’t matter how much I logically think it’s horse shit. The programming is in there and it is crazy hard to shake.

And if we have a hard time shaking the mom guilt in order to work, in order to help provide life necessities and a solid future for the very children we feel guilty for leaving, how much harder is it to leave for a purely self serving purpose. To plan and actually go on an adventure to recharge our batteries. It’s incredibly hard. When I’ve been working all day it can be tempting to skip that bike ride after work because dang it I miss my kid. I worry that I’m being selfish to take another chunk of time away from him just because I want to. Going for three or four days? Whew! He might just graduate college when I’m not looking!

But I go. I go on that ride after work. I take that weekend away. I take that time to be with myself, with my friends. To remember who I am, what makes me tick. To resonate with the universe. Because when I do that, I come back ready to reconnect with my son on a deeper level. To be fully present with him and focused on him. I don’t believe that children need some vast expanse of time in which they receive our half attention. I’m not sure it is building up HIS reserves to wander on my periphery as I distractedly try to get him to go do something else so I can think straight. When I have been buried in piles of life stuff and childcare too long, that’s exactly what happens. When I have properly cared for myself, I am refreshed and ready to give him my full attention. If kids benefit from their parents being present, I want to have the stamina to actually BE present. Mind, body, spirit.   

Let’s also not forget that when I’m out there taking care of myself, it isn’t like my son is stranded with the wolves. Me getting out of the way gives my husband the space to connect with our son too. To be fully at the wheel of parenting his child. To do their father son things without my interference. To decide to eat broccoli for dinner, or skip straight to the ice cream. By walking away placing full confidence in my child’s dad to care for him, I empower them both. It sends my husband the message that I trust him completely to Dad. That I know he is capable as a parent and doesn’t need my list of dos and don’ts while I’m gone. Dad is not a babysitter. He’s a parent. It sends my son the message that people other than me are capable of meeting his needs and that the entire world is a safe place, not just mom. When I return, I come home to two happy healthy men, who have grown closer and more understanding of one another. Then it’s my turn. I take on the parent cape to ensure my spouse gets time for himself too while our son and I focus on each other.

If you are a single parent with no family near, you too can step away sometimes. That’s what community is for. When I think about the villages of a traditional people, everyone pitched in to share the load of child rearing, and everyone got a break sometimes. We don’t have a village anymore, so we need to make one. FInd your tribe. Find mamas you love and trust who you can trade babysitting time with. Find an amazing sitter who your kids love and you trust like a sister. Then go without guilt. It will be good for you and your children.

No one criticizes a man for working, for taking a weeks long hunting trip, for doing whatever he needs to do to feel whole and happy. We don’t need to accept that criticism either. Especially from ourselves.

The next time you feel that twang of guilt for taking care of yourself, let’s examine where that comes from. Ask yourself if a man would feel guilty for the same thing. As we work to dismantle the patriarchy that holds women to a different standard than men, we must identify the programming in ourselves first. Because mom guilt is a feminist issue.     

(This post is part 4, or a 5 part series on removing the obstacles moms face to getting out for more adventure. See part 1, 2, 3, and 5)      

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Southern Colorado with a 2 Year Old Part 3

After our adventures at Hermosa Creek, we packed up camp to move to a location outside of Telluride, near Lizard Head Pass. I say WE packed up, as though I had anything to do with it. In reality, my very ambitious spouse packed up camp, while I was riding, amid the protestations of a cranky kid who thought the world was ending when the tent was being put away. By the time they picked me up, the hubs looked a little like he had just survived an attack by dementors. (To be clear, I had advised against the solo pack up plan. He did it anyway. And he rocked it. And he decided against doing it again.)

We settled into our new camp with a spectacular view about an hour and half before dark and managed to tag team a basic camp setup and simple dinner in record time. (I think we’re getting good at this!)

A beautiful spot for dinner. (side note: This Hammock SAVED us. By dinner prep every night Little Mr. No Nap was in a mood for mischief! We found that putting up a hammock bought us a solid 30 minutes of containment and contentment for him so we could make a meal!)

Having done a fair amount of driving around shuttling bikes, people, and stuff so far in our trip we were ready for a low driving day. The map indicated that there was a 2.5 mile (one way) hike to an alpine lake just a few miles up the road.

If hiking fails...try flying! 

These days, hiking with the Little Bear is a juggle between his desire to walk on his own, and our need to make time. He rode for a bit in the backpack, and when we got to the waterfall he hoped out to explore. He happily hiked/ran up the next mile or so under his own power, though the steep grade slowed him down a bit. We finally needed to convince him to get back in the pack. Afternoon monsoons were building and we didn’t want to be stuck at the top of the hike above treeline with lightning coming in. Toddlers, however, are not beings to be reasoned with. One does not simply EXPLAIN to the toddler that getting back in the pack is necessary for safety. So...bribery it is! He is obsessed with these dried apricots we had gotten for the trip, and I’d had the measure out his consumption to avoid...you know...what happens when you eat too many dried apricots. Promising him fistfuls of the orange/brown orbs of sugary goodness did the trick.

My three boys. 

As we climbed closer and closer to the lake, and we edged closer and closer to nap time, I had to keep the snacks coming to avoid catastrophic melt down. When the apricots no longer cut it, we had to up the ante. I have written before about the importance of dum dums in a situation like this (you can read that article HERE) but we managed to be clean out of them at this crucial moment. Rooky mistake! I did, however, find another magical treat hidden in the our Osprey Poco. The marvelous and delicious Larabar Bites! These things are melt in your mouth chocolatey goodness! They are surprisingly not too messy either. This did the trick all the way to the lake, and part or the way back down. (Side note, Little Bear loves the mint chocolate ones, but my friend’s daughter had a very different reaction to them! She found the mint flavor to be “spicy”. There are four different flavors to choose from, so there are options.)

"I do it myself!"

We ate our lunch (by “we” I mostly mean the Papa Bear and I, since our son had recently consumed half his weight in dried fruit and chocolate) atop a ridgeline overlooking the brilliant blue water of Hope Lake. We took some time to romp around the high meadow and explore before needing to head back down.

High alpine flowers in summer are one of my favorite things!

As we descended with the Little Bear on Papa Bear’s back, he conked out for about 45 minutes, his longest nap the whole trip. (Yes...no nap WAS beginning to wear thin. Thanks for asking.) We crossed paths with numerous other friendly hikers, many of whom had loud exclamations about us bringing a two year old on a 5 mile round trip hike in the mountains. No one was negative really, just surprised that we would attempt such a thing, and impressed with the hubby for carrying him in the pack. And...of course people are surprised. Parenting and wrangling a toddler is a challenge even in highly controlled situations. Hiking a steep trail to above tree line elevation (about 11,500 ft) is also a particular challenge. Putting the two together to many people sounds like as much fun as a tooth extraction without anesthesia. But to us, it is all in a day’s adventure. Adventure by definition is not easy. It includes an element of challenge, effort, and expecting the unexpected. Adventuring with a kiddo is just a new angle and different slant on that expectation.

Nap time is nigh and mischief is unfolding. But oh so adorable! 

Its always sad to leave a beautiful spot. 

Can you spot the conked out toddler in the pack? 

The next day we ventured into Telluride to replenish some supplies and taste the gluten free pancakes offered at The Butcher and the Baker. It was a farm chic hipster joint with kind but slow service, a bright and pleasant atmosphere and a predictably astronomic Telluride prices. Thankfully, considering the cost, the blueberry gluten free pancakes didn’t disappoint. If you are big fan of hash browns though, this might not be the place for you. It’s an extra $3 charge to have hashbrowns with your bacon and eggs, and you get about three tablespoons of spuds.

Anyone think this would make a fine vacation home?

From the town of Telluride you can see Bridal Veil Falls cascading over the cliffs. We drove up to the base of the falls for a better view. The huge old house on the cliff inspired imagination of what it might be like to live in such a place listening to crashing water all the time and surveying the valley below.

"Mama! I'm cold! Nuggle me!" Sure thing my love. 

Once we had enough “city” life, we drove up to the town of Ophir easily my favorite little southern Colorado town so far. There is literally nothing there. Just a couple of streets of basic wooden houses clearly occupied by climber/mountain biker/skier dirtbags. Ahh….my idea of a perfect little place. We continued through towards the Ophir pass road and found a hidden little trail next to a creek. We had a surprising and delightful little hike along what appeared to be a locally constructed trail.

Our surprise trail near Ophir. This photo is going down as a top ten fav of my boys. No doubt. 

Our last and final day before packing up to head home Papa Bear and I took turns riding a section of the Galloping Goose Trail. Galloping Goose mostly follows an old mining railroad grade alignment. Tons of interesting old railroad and mining pieces along the route and a number of sweeping vistas. The section we traveled was quite easy from a technical perspective and not terribly steep in most section, so would make a very doable snd beginner friendly out and back instead of a shuttle if you have the time.  

Galloping Goose Trail

Viaduct along the Galloping Goose. 

He's cute when he's showing off. 

That evening we enjoyed our last dinner overlooking the stunning mountain views we had come to love. Until next year Colorado. Until next year.  

While we waited for Papa, we played by the creek. 

"Galloping Oscar" taking a break in the water on our ride. 

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Southern Colorado with a Toddler Part 2

Tag teaming is an essential part of co-parenting for my husband and I. We both have things we need to do to fill our souls that are impractical to bring the Little Bear along for.

Mountain biking is arguably how my husband and I met, and as you can imagine, it is one of those things we both need to to do from time to time to feel like a functional human (or at least a polite one).

On beta from a good friend, we planned to take turns for the next two days of our trip riding the Hermosa Creek Trail, with the non-riding adult picking the rider up at the bottom of the trail. For any friends or readers who are fellow mountain bikers, especially those from Flagstaff, you might have an ethic one way or another about shuttling trails. Shuttling is where a rider is dropped off at the top of a trail and rides (usually downhill) to the other end where the car is waiting for them, preferably with a cold beverage at the ready. In Flagstaff, we never shuttle. Ever. Even driving to the trailhead better have a good reason. From most of our town you can ride straight from your home to connect with a vast network of trails, most of which have decently thought out alignment minimizing erosion and unrideable grades. So there is little reason to use a vehicle to get you up the hill only to ride back down it. Just pedal! Use the quads yo mama gave you son!    

So many spots along this trail demand that you stop to appreciate the beauty, and tempt you to want to jump in. 

In my younger childless days, I first rode in Colorado bringing my “never shuttle” Flagstaff ethic along like so many rocks in my panniers. After a number of frustrating bike hikes and crossing too many potential rides off the list because they were impractical to self shuttle, I have learned better and become a lot less smug. Folks, Colorado is not Flagstaff. Nearly every trail I have ever ridden there is steep to the point of stupid, has long and brutal road sections between trails making the self shuttle impractical or impossible. Hermosa Creek was no exception. Self shuttling would have meant almost 50 miles of riding, only 18 of which would have been the trail in question and the majority of the remaining miles on shoulderless mountain highway. No. Thank. You. If you are still worried about shuttling because it is important to you to “earn” your downhill, don’t fret. Even “downhill” trails have climbing in Colorado. Hermosa creek spends most of the last 6 miles in a 1600 vertical foot climb.

Does this mud splashed face look like it cares about shuttling anymore? Nope. 

This letting go of perfectionism has been a huge and excruciating lesson for me in motherhood. There was a time, younger, fitter and faster that I would perhaps have insisted on a self shuttle. I would have spent an entire day from dawn til dusk killing myself to do the whole thing without a car shuttle, because it’s the “right” way to do it and to compromise would have bruised my ego. If I had been unwilling to just shuttle this trail I would missed 18 miles of some of the most sublime, inspiring single track in the Four Corners area. Want to keep your own passions, hobbies and adventures a priority in parenthood? Let go of perfection and get it done. Take the one hour ride you can get instead of the 6 hour ride that is rarely available. Host that imperfect dinner party with chinese take out, instead of waiting for enough time to have a spotless house and gourmet four course meal. Buy the ticket to travel to the place you CAN afford instead of waiting around for a windfall to go to the place that is financially out of reach. In the end, it will be the things we consistently do that make up the story of our lives. If we never get out there because we need the conditions to mimic some preconceived notion of perfection, years will pass and we will have failed to spend our time the way we wanted to. We will continue to mutter some mantra about a fictitious “someday” that isn’t coming.   

My steed, a top one of the many bridges along Hermosa Creek. Surface water is a huge treat for us dry country folks. 

What a spectacular payoff it is to just get out there and do it! The first half of Hermosa Creek trail follows a wide and welcoming path along, unsurprisingly, Hermosa Creek. Mixed conifers, flowing stream, and gorgeous water holes hiding fish that tease local anglers to come and get em. This first half, though trending downhill, isn’t particularly steep, and would make a very reasonable out and back ride or hike for those not wanting to do the whole length or who are just getting started and want a ride with minimal technical challenges. The trail changes to single track where it continues to follow the creek for another third of the ride, though it frequently winds a little further up the hillside than in the previous section. The high moisture level of the area in general, mixed with some heavy rains in the previous days made the ride fairly slick and felt a bit like riding on a muddy slip and slide. After one of a number of creek crossings, the last one with a wooden bridge, the trail begins the final climb in earnest. It winds its way up to a bench dotted with scrub oak, ponderosa pine, and cedar. A amusing concoction of species frequently found in Flagstaff, but rarely seen together at the same altitude. Having gotten a later start than I had hoped, I hit the steep climbs just as the afternoon rainstorms began. I attempted to pedal up what had become a creek in its own right. The water and mud made traction non-existent, making the attempt to move forward a real life replica of those dreams in which you are running as hard as you can and not getting anywhere. I eventually had to get off and push the bike up through the pouring rain, smiling all the way. Eventually the rain cleared, and I made the final descent to the trailhead to meet my ride. I was inspired, full of dopamine, and satisfied.

It got a little rainy out there! 

Each evening after our rides, Iorek was full of energy and ready to ride himself. Pre-dinner evening strolls for us and bike ride for the Little Bear became a lovely part of the day. It is satisfying to the soul to have the opportunity to not only pursue my own passions, but to share them with my son and watch him get so much joy out of it too.

The kid loves to ride! Does a mamas heart good.

Is waiting for perfect conditions keeping you from doing the things that would feed your soul and nourish your spirit? I would love to hear what you want to do, and how you think you can get out of your own way to do it. Leave me a comment and let me know.

Of an evening. 

One more installation in the series coming next week! 

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